chronic illness

I Miss

I miss driving & it’s independence.
I miss walking without a Walker or assistance.
I miss dancing around without the fear of collapsing.
I miss friends & seeing people.
No one visits, no one’s asking.
But I suppose in actuality it’s really not that bad
It’s just sometimes,
I feel overwhelmingly sad

Kyoko W.P.

solace in my rhyming

It’s hard to see everyone thriving
When you’re barely surviving
Is my life reviving
Or continually declining
As my pain is plotting, devising
Even disguising
Head first diving
I see no silver lining
I wish I could start rewinding
But also fast forward timing
For now I find solace in my rhyming
My words comprising
That’s where my phoenix is rising

Kyoko W.P.

Palliative Care

Palliative care

The words so hard to digest

I just think of death

And what will I do with the rest

Of life I have left

Doesn’t always mean death

But it still hurts in the depth

Of my soul, can’t quite catch my breath

Like my lungs are compressed

The words keep playing, my brain obsessed

they’re hard to digest

As I previously confessed

But they won’t put me to rest

I have no bullet proof vest

But I still have dreams and wishes filled in my hope chest

Kyoko W.P.

Stress

They say stay away from triggers that increase the symptoms; like stress
But I don’t know how to do that when my whole life feels a mess
It only makes me feel more sick
And then my problems more big
I get stuck in a cycle I can’t seem to quit
The pain, no sleep, nausea, vomit
Fatigue, muscles cramping, headaches, all of it
Bound in this go round, I want off of it
They say stay away from triggers that increase the symptoms; like stress
This is my life with chronic illness

Kyoko W.P.

Just For One Day

Just for one day
I’d like to wake up full of life
To Feel rested through my whole body
To Feel refreshing energy

Just for one day
I’d like a steady heart
To Feel the calming rhythmic beats
To Feel it’s soothing melody as I breathe

Just for one day
I’d like to run in fields of flowers
To feel the breeze as I frolic through the trees
To Feel free

Just for one day
I’d like my body to be copacetic
To Feel the simplicity, I just can’t obtain; the mundane
To Feel no pain

I’d like to feel okay
Even if only,

Just for one day

Kyoko W.P.

Clocks Tick, Clocks Tock

Clocks tick
As I sit
Waiting for the doctors to tell me I’m sick
I’m tired of waiting for this
Every appointment a new diagnosis
A new plan of action on how to approach it
Another referral, new doctor visit
The anxiety deep in my stomach, the pit
I’m so sick of being sick
I still sit

Clocks tick, clocks tock
My heart pounds, I hear the door as they knock
What will it be today, Doc?

Kyoko W.P.

I Hope They Remember

I hope they remember before mom was sick
Mom loved to play and mom wasn’t stuck in bed all day
I hope they remember before mom was sick
When she was healthy and strong and worked all day long
I hope they remember before mom was sick
When mom could take them out and about, when mom didn’t pass out
I hope they remember before mom was sick
Smiles on faces and fun happy places
I hope they remember before mom was sick
When she smothered them with love and wasn’t stuck in her bedroom, one floor above
I hope they remember before mom was sick
Mom was the one, mom was the only one who could get anything done
I hope they remember before mom was sick
Before doctors appointments and hospital visits
She wanted to do everything right, she didn’t want to quit
And tried hard every single day to keep up with it
She never intended to be living like this
I hope they remember before mom was sick

Kyoko W.P.

It’s so Lonely to be Ill

Doctors and pills
Therapists and good will
Procedures and blood draws
Operations and white gauze
Tear drops and can’t sleep
Fresh wounds skin deep
It’s lonely to be ill
Self love, self care
self what? who? where?
The sunshine, the yoga
The essential oils of Aunt Rhoda
The diets and deep breathing
But I’m still here dry heaving
No meditation or willingness
Can take away the illness
It’s so lonely to be ill
Hospital stays and beeping nights
When am I ever going to feel right
More prods more pokes
More pain it invokes
Don’t forget to take your meds
Enjoy your day alone in bed.
It’s so lonely to be ill

Kyoko W.P.